Unsatisfying endings

Unsatisfying endings

Spent day packing. Most of my stuff will have to go into storage in Bunratty. I’m trying to decide what I should take with me on the longer journey. Auntie Monica is being a total star and has sent me the cash to get the stuff shipped.

What all this means is: I’m going! I’m actually going to go to NY. FREAKED OUT!

It wasn’t until just now that everything sort of hit me. It’s really over. When Dave comes home I won’t be here. I won’t even be in London. I won’t even be in Europe (whatever that means anymore!) Weird, weird, weird, weird, weird! No goodbye. Well no goodbye beyond the one we already had. I think I was hoping for a more satisfying end, now that my head is more sorted about it all. I wanted to let him know what he actually did and how he actually made me feel. I wanted that to be face to face, not in a letter.

I broke down (a little) when I found the camera. He gave me a camera for my birthday last year. I loved using it. But since we split, since he’s been gone, I’ve maybe taken two photos – and both of those were with my phone!When your ex is a world class photojournalist I guess you’re bound to feel a bit odd about taking snaps. The pictures on my phone are not that bad, so maybe I’ll just stick with it. The camera? It’s worth a few quid and hardly used. I guess I know now how I’m paying for my flights!

Bye Dave – I’ll write you from the new world (maybe) – my new world.


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