Someone remind me why I’m doing this? I’m guessing it’s just to distract from life, right? Am I sharing stuff with you (invisible, non-existent you) or am I just documenting life so I can check back on myself in ten years time and go: oh Lord, who the hell was I back then?! Maybe I should just be writing a long list of everything I hate about living in Kentish Town. I’m sure someone will find that useful one day. Although that is a little unfair given that I’m getting it all for free for the next six months. It’s actually the perfect setting for my life right now. A no man’s land. Not quite town, not quite middle-class suburbia. It’s the ishiest of all the ‘ish’ towns. It could be worse, he could have had a flat in Paddington.
I think I might just be having a small wobble. Yesterday I nearly broke every photo in the flat. That might have been the half bottle of Malbec. They were just all staring at me, reminding me of how little I seem to be doing. Snap shots of worlds I haven’t been invited to. Reminders of the journey I’m not being allowed to take.
No allowed or not willing? Not brave enough? I’ve just realized… I’m the ant. I’m the bloody ant, aren’t I?
I think I’ll finish the other half of the bottle tonight, but to be safe I’ll pop some Post-it’s on all the frames to remind me that they are just photographs.